Something Wrong
by droppedmysonic
Summary: Finn's about 10 IQ points smarter than Brittany when he's awake. When he's asleep, he's practically a vegetable. It was an accident at first, but then they gave up on that pretense. No one had to know. T for talking about Finn's "problem".


Originally written for Glee Fluff Meme. Meant to keep it strictly friendship, but I kinda fail at that. Very, very minor slash and very, very minor language.

* * *

There is something wrong with Finn Hudson's penis.

I mean, the whole early ejaculation thing sucks, and it sucks a lot – but he also has to pee. Like, all the time, and he can't hold it. He pees as much as Quinn did while she was pregnant. He peed the bed until he was 12 because he had to go so bad and couldn't wake himself up.

There is definitely something wrong with his penis.

At least now he can get himself out of bed when he needs to pee. He's only half awake and it takes him a good 15 minutes to find the bathroom since he sort of forgets, due to his being only half awake, that he lives in Kurt's house now (which is really kind of weird and stalker-y on Kurt's part).

So the night he forgets where he is as he's stumbling into bed, it's not what it looks like.

See, Kurt's bed is on the side of the room his bed used to be on in his room at his old house. So when he stumbles into bed, he doesn't exactly stumble into his own. He thinks it is, but unfortunately, it's really not.

Kurt's a heavy sleeper, so he doesn't notice at first. At first. Then he wakes up at 6 am on a Saturday because he forgot to turn off his alarm. Something's weird. Really weird. He can't place it at first, because he's only had 6 hours of sleep, and he needs a full 8 to function properly, but when he finds it incredibly difficult to reach over to turn off his alarm due to Finn being in the way, it occurs to him that one of these things is not like the other.

He's so startled he almost screams. Kurt manages to swallow it and slam his hand down on the "off" button of his alarm clock. Finn makes a sleepy little noise and Kurt thinks to himself, _oh, that's cute_, and then he thinks_ oh, shit_, because Finn has shifted and thrown an arm around him and is _cuddling_ him, which would be great in a normal situation, but unless Kurt has now taken to having random blackouts, he really can't remember how this happened. He retraces the night's events and finds nothing out of the ordinary.

Then he remembers Finn's frequent bathroom trips, which sometimes wake him up when Finn actually _trips_ and falls, and wonders if maybe Finn got confused on his way back, which seems like the kind of thing that could happen, given the lovable oaf manages to trip over completely flat surfaces and land flat on his face while half-asleep.

Kurt weighs the options. Whenever Finn wakes up, the reaction will most likely be of horror, anger, and utter embarrassment (from both parties) and waking him up now would most likely be the smartest thing to do. But Kurt doesn't particularly want to do the smart thing when Option B is laying in Finn Hudson's arms for a few more hours. The reaction will be the same either way, and what Finn doesn't know (that Kurt woke up in the middle of this fiasco) won't hurt him.

So he makes the stupid decision and goes back to sleep.

He hears a very loud, "What the-" approximately three hours later. Wakes up, feigns confusion and shock upon meeting Finn's eyes.

"You cannot say this is my fault, whatever _this_ is, Finn, because as you can see, you are in _my_ bed, which makes you the guilty party here," Kurt says cautiously.

Finn lets out a sigh, runs his hand through his hair. "I think I got confused on my way back to bed," he offers apologetically.

Kurt reacts quickly to keep his jaw from unhinging as it drops. Not quite the nuclear reaction he'd been expecting, but he wasn't going to complain. Apologetic Finn is much nicer than Angry, Screaming, Scared of the Secret Homosexual Agenda Finn. "Uh, it's okay? I think?" Kurt tries to say it as a statement, but it comes out as a question. "You're still _in_ my bed," Kurt points out.

Finn shrugs, stays there. Kurt waits for an explanation, because he desperately needs one.

"You're probably gonna get angry or something, but that was possibly like the best sleep I've ever had and I'm still tired," Finn says.

Kurt wishes he had a Twix, even though he hates refined sugar, because he needs a moment. He takes one, sans the Twix. "Are you trying to tell me," Kurt says, slowly and with a good measure of confusion, "that you want to _sleep_ with me, in the entirely non-romantic and completely literal sense of the phrase?"

Finn's a little red when he nods, and Kurt wonders if it's some kind of Pavlovian response to Finn's sheepish smile that makes him give an automatic "yes" whenever he sees it.

Not that he minds, entirely, going to sleep with Finn holding him. It's really nice, and it's the only chance he's going to get to be this close to someone (let alone Finn) like this for a while, and Finn doesn't have to know that the entire time, Kurt will be pretending it means more than it does.

Because Kurt will be pretending it means more than it does.

After the third time they wake up like this, Kurt flippantly says, "I'm beginning to think this isn't an accident."

Finn sheepishly admits it isn't, and Kurt turns a shade of red to match Finn's. After that, the awkwardness and the tension somehow drops out of their relationship completely and they become really, really good friends, and Finn doesn't bother to sleep in his own bed anymore, just crawls into Kurt's every night after it's "safe" and their parents are too busy doing whatever it is old people do in bed to notice what's going on downstairs, which would probably freak them out, even though it's a hell of a lot less controversial than the action going on upstairs.

Kurt and Finn have a lot of really deep conversations at night, now, whispering things to each other, things that they've never said out loud before. Kurt finds out that Finn, while not the sharpest tool in the shed, loves philosophy, and in a weird, straightforward, idiot savant way, gives very good advice. Finn finds out that Kurt is really good at languages and has been teaching himself to speak other languages since he realized that not everyone speaks the same one (first grade, when he met Santana, who was an ESL student). He speaks four: English, French, Spanish, and German, and is working on Mandarin Chinese and Japanese right now.

They've never talked about their futures (no one's asked) so Finn is the only person who knows that Kurt wants to work as a UN translator and Kurt is the only person who knows that Finn wants to be a guidance counselor.

Friday nights are the best. They talk in hushed tones for hours about the dumbest things, but mostly about all the crap they've been going through in school, and it's nice to just complain to someone who's actually listening.

One Friday, Kurt tells Finn he doesn't have a crush on him anymore, and means it, because he was reading a Japanese comic book Tina lent him. "One of the characters told a girl that loving someone who doesn't reciprocate their feelings hurts them, and puts a burden on them, and I don't want to burden you," he says.

And besides, he doesn't want to ruin this friendship, and Finn kind of really isn't his type anyway. He's just the safest crush Kurt could have had. Finn listens and doesn't say anything, but laces his fingers with Kurt's. They do a lot of things like that, things that people who don't understand would laugh at, or sneer at.

It's like when Kurt holds Mercedes' hand in Glee sometimes. It doesn't mean the same things it does when Finn holds Rachel's hand.

The next Friday, Finn tells Kurt why he and Rachel broke up. "She was so anal-retentive," Finn exclaims under his breath. "I love her so much, but it drives me up a wall." He pauses. "At the risk of getting laughed at, because I lied when I said I hated the movie, I feel like Maureen, singing 'Take Me or Leave Me'."

Kurt tries not to laugh but fails completely. He stifles his uncontrollable giggles in the pillow, barely managing to get them under control. He bursts into redoubled laughter, telling Finn, "I just imagined you and Rachel actually reenacting that scene, complete with a prelude of Rachel singing 'Tango Maureen' with Santana..."

"Don't remind me of that," Finn groans. "I just can't make it work with girls, and I don't know why."

Kurt raises an eyebrow. "You know what I'll say if you ask, so don't bother," he says.

Finn knows what Kurt's theory is. "Even after deciding you don't like me anymore?"

"Especially after that," Kurt says with certainty. "Because now it's not my rose colored glasses, just pure, unadulterated gaydar."

Next Friday, Finn asks what Kurt would do if Finn was gay, and Kurt shrugs. "You never know until you find out firsthand," he replies, grinning. And then the grin slides off his face when Finn tears up and tells Kurt he's realized something really important, and Kurt wraps his arms around Finn, whispering over and over that "it's okay," and smiling to himself while biting down "I told you so"s.

A little bit of the awkwardness seeps back in after this, but nothing fatal to their friendship. It's mostly the sexual tension, resulting from being the only two gay guys of the same age in Lima (as far as they know). Suddenly the sleeping together has a friction that's never been there, and if Finn slips his hand into Kurt's, it feels warmer than before.

When they finally kiss for the first time, it's everything Kurt thought it would be, and everything Finn wished it would be with Quinn, and Rachel, and Santana, and all the other girls. And Finn doesn't even have to think of the mailman. Kurt snidely informs him that premature ejaculation can be caused by sexual repression, and Finn lightly smacks him in the head, to which Kurt replies that he's calling an abuse hotline the second he wakes up. The awkwardness is gone again (thank God).

Well, it's gone until Burt finally walks in on them (Kurt knew it had to happen sometime, and at least it's before the stage where his dad would be walking in on them naked).

"Hi, Dad," Kurt says, trying not to panic and elbowing Finn to wake him up.

He should have just let Finn sleep, because half-awake Finn often says things he shouldn't.

But the look on his father's face is almost worth it when Finn says very clearly, "I'm sorry, did my boner wake you up? I dunno, there has got to be something wrong with my penis."


End file.
